Grewar just called me Hagrid’s mum. He’s been on the wind up all weekend but this is a new one.
People are flakey. I don’t like people. Unless they aren’t flakes. I like it when people know what they are, who they are, and why they are.
On the train to @grewar’s and we walked past this. Queen Street is being renovated and some of the old signage is visible again while they redo some stuff. I love seeing older parts of Glasgow. #glasgow
Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”
It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.
And I got angry.
Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”
Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)
If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.
Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting:
I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.
I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.
I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.
I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.
I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.
I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.
I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.
In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:
Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you.
Your eternally interested guy,
Happy International Women’s Day
Having the worst fortnight in about a year. Everything is rank rotten and it all keeps piling up. My living situation is no longer set and I’m having a total panic about it, I’m tempted to just fuck off and move to Edinburgh for a while.
But I went to see the new Spider-Man movie with Grewar tonight and it was lovely and then we unexpectedly went to see The Summer Set play which was a nice wee surprise. I did some socialising afterwards in a pub with people drinking at the table I was at, and it was people I didn’t know, and I didn’t freak out at all which is AMAZING. I’m trying so hard at this socialising thing and today was entirely overwhelming and way out of my comfort zone but I handled it well and PMA for days.
I’m never usually one to judge someone based on what other people say about them but when that person is Emma, I tend to take her word for it. When it doesn’t involve sex, she is an excellent judge of character (sorry Em!).
ANYWAY I GOT TO SEE BRAND NEW AND SAVES THE DAY TONIGHT AND IT WAS BRILLIANT AND MY EARS ARE RINGING FROM SCREAMING ALONG AND MY BACK IS BREAKING FROM STANDING ALL DAY AND I AM SO VERY TIRED BUT IT HAS BEEN A GOOD DAY.
(Caps to emphasis the good over the bad. I’m taking PMA super serious guys).
Obligatory post about how fantastic Brand New was tonight. It was so excellent seeing Saves The Day again too, even if @grewar was doing embarrassing dad dancing next to me the whole time. Such a good and sweaty wee night. #brandnew
Lifestyle photographer Grace Chon recently turned the camera on her 10-month-old baby Jasper and their 7-year-old rescue dog Zoey, putting them side-by-side in the some of the most adorable portraits ever.
I feel like such a massive burden on the people I get close to. I’m so difficult to be around almost all of time, I’m irrational and I never know how to deal with my mood swings so I can’t even begin to imagine how crazy it is from an outside perspective.
I just constantly feel undeserving and like everything is due to come crashing down around me. The intensity of the shitty feelings always passes within a few hours and I’m fine for a fortnight or so but some nights are just so much tougher than others and tonight is the pits.